We love how far video games and cartoons have come. Just yesterday we were skimming through YouTube videos that featured old 90s cartoons and video game ads. It’s only been 17 years since the 90s ended and we’ve already got access to a wide variety of gorgeous games and sharp cartoons. The difference in visuals and gameplay mechanics is nothing short of awe inspiring.
That said, we’ll take a great story and amazing character design over visuals any day. Some of the roughest-looking games featured the most amazing and elaborate worlds. Give us creations filled with action, adventure, suspense, and romance.
Speaking of romance, is there any feeling more satisfying than seeing two of your favorite characters embrace or fall in love. Okay, that sounds pretty corny, but there is something to it. It’s no different than a book or a film, there is something charming about seeing a relationship blossom over a long journey.
Sadly, there are also situations in which you feel heartbroken, watching a beloved “pair” fall short of the love-filled finish line. The want and desire to see two fictional characters together is called shipping, and for the most part, it’s all in silly fun. However, it also has a dark side. There are those out there that wish to pair characters together that have no business being together.
This list is dedicated to those bad decisions. Prepare yourself, some of these ships are hard to look at.
20 Ganondink (Link X Ganondorf - Legend Of Zelda)
Anyone who’s ever played The Legend of Zelda understands why this ship is absolutely heinous. Link and Ganondorf have been enemies for a rather long time. This is a searing hatred that transcends time and space. The dark lord is constantly trying to conquer the land of Hyrule, so Link is called to put an end to his madness.
These two hate each other. They’re constantly trying to stab and/or eviscerate one another on a daily basis. That’s why this ship has absolutely no merit. This isn’t “schoolyard romance” either. It’s a pure disdain, a battle of good and evil. We get it, they’re both sexy, but it takes a lot more than attractiveness to make a good fan pairing. Give us something with substance, something like Lingle (Tingle x Link)!
Please don’t give us that, we’re only joking.
19 Sails (Tails X Sonic - Sonic The Hedgehog)
The ship, it Sails (more puns!) Unfortunately, this is one galleon that should have stayed at the port. From a lore standpoint, Sonic and Tails have a purely platonic relationship. The blazing blue hedgehog is known for his effortless speed, while Tails has made a name for himself as a talented tinkerer. They’re great friends and it should stay that way.
Still, there are those out there that see their relationship as something much closer. Some seem to think that Tails spends a lot of his free time lusting after Sonic’s chili dog. This pairing simply doesn’t work for us. Their friendship is too pure to complicate. Thankfully, this isn’t the worst ship in the Sonic fandom. I’ve seen enough explicit Dr. Robotnik, Shadow, and Big the Cat fan art to last a life time.
18 Pharmercy (Pharah x Mercy - Overwatch)
Haha, Pharmecy, like medicinal drugs, because she’s a doctor! All joking aside this is one of the better ship names out there because it’s pretty clever and speaks to who the characters are. Sadly, that’s about all that’s clever with this ship.
A lot of pairings and fan-created relationships are based on character history or interaction. Pharmercy mostly relies on the fact that both are capable of flight. That’s pretty much it. No, we aren’t joking, that’s the basis. Pharah has that sweet jetpack and Mercy can zip around through the air and keep her healed.
Many will argue that the ship has so much more to do with character development and personalities. In reality, it seems like it has everything to do with the pun name and gameplay mechanics. There are much better ships out there.
17 Lario (Mario X Luigi - Super Mario Bros.)
Okay, why? No, seriously, why is this happening? The Plumber brothers are a beloved video game duo and the smiling face of the iconic Nintendo Corporation. The last thing the gaming world ever needed was depictions of these two kissing or getting hot and heavy between a question block. Mario belongs with Peach and Luigi belongs with Daisy.
Heck, we don’t even care who you ship as long as it’s not these two. Mario with Birdo, Luigi with Yoshi, Toad with a Whomp, all of these are way more acceptable than this monstrosity. Also, take a look at all of their game titles. They’re the Super Mario Bros., as in, Super Mario Brothers. Siblings are exceptionally foul territory when it comes to the process of shipping.
16 Dable (Dipper X Mabel - Gravity Falls)
While we’re on the subject of how shipping ruins sibling relationships, we might as well throw Dable onto the table. This list isn’t entirely video game based. There will be some animated shows tossed into the mix to keep you on your toes. We figured it was appropriate to bring this potential ship to light since Gravity Falls was such a popular cartoon.
Honestly, it’s a bit alarming how many fans this pairing has. From a character standpoint, there doesn’t seem to be much wrong with it. Dipper’s inquisitive nature and sometimes shy attitude are counteracted by Mabel’s hyperactive personality and overactive imagination. Oh, but wait, we’re forgetting something here. They’re brother and sister (and children!) Enough said.
We had to find a picture that featured a Bill-possessed Dipper because all the rest were too risque. Stop the madness. Ship outside the family tree.
15 Foxco (Fox X Falco - Star Fox)
Do a barrel roll, away from this pairing. We suppose we have a little bias when it comes to this particular ship since we strongly dislike Falco. We know, there are many of you out there that like him (which is good), but you can’t deny that he’s an absolute dick in the Star Fox games. Every single time his voice pops up on the intercoms we just want to hit him. He’s so ungrateful.
That’s the main reason we aren’t backing this ship. Falco is an ill-tempered brat and we feel like he’d be pretty demeaning to Fox in a relationship (he already is in their friendship). This is the right chemistry if you want constant arguments and senseless bickering. Hey, at least it’s not the worst ship in the Star Fox universe. That award belongs to Slippy, paired with literally anyone (we hate that annoying Frog so much).
14 Sephiloud (Cloud X Sephiroth - Final Fantasy VII)
Here we go again, another ship that relies heavily on good versus evil. Cloud and Sephiroth don’t get along, in fact, Sephiroth doesn’t really get along with anyone. He’s benevolent and bent on world domination and destruction. That said, these two do have quite a bit of history. Yet, none of it constitutes a pairing like this. You don’t go into the woods and pair a bunny with a hungry wolf (well some of you do, no judgment).
What really gets under our skin about this potential ship is the betrayal of Aerith. It’s bad enough that Cloud loses his love-at-first-sight romance early on, some are going as far as to suggest his real soulmate is the sadistic man who put a sword through her spine. That’s just cold.
13 Ramus (Samus X Ridley - Metroid)
Let’s keep this hate train rolling. Imagine how romanced you would feel to watch a dinosaur-like beast lay waste to everyone you know and love. There is nothing more arousing than watching a Space Pirate incinerate your parents to a crisp. We say these horrible things to put into perspective how absolutely messed up the Ramus ship is. We know most people scoff at old-world romance but is this what chivalry passes for nowadays?
You have to be in a special brand of denial to truly believe that Samus would fall madly in love with the creature that murdered her loved ones. We aren’t sure how this relationship would even work, and to be quite frank, we don’t want the specifics. Stockholm Syndrome is also not a shippable quality.
12 Beach (Bowser X Peach - Super Mario Bros.)
Honestly, we just wanted to make the Stockholm Syndrome reference so we could effortlessly slide into this next awkward pairing. Also, sorry to Super Mario Bros. fans but the series is simply too iconic not to make this list twice. Speaking of iconic (and brutal), what’s more messed up than shipping a kidnapper and their captor together? Not much, but that’s exactly what you’re getting if you’re pro-Beach.
We won’t sugar coat it, Bowser is a stalker. He spends all of his free time (which he apparently has a TON of) plotting ways to kidnap Princess Peach and hold her hostage in his castle. Cue Mario to save her, an epic quest ensues, Bowser is defeated, rinse and repeat. By now you’d think Peach would have installed some kind of security system. That is, unless she WANTS to be captured. Spoiler alert, she doesn’t, stop these thoughts.
11 Sudo (Star X Ludo - Star Vs. The Forces Of Evil)
Let’s take a break from the video games for a moment and insert another cartoon ship gone wrong. We’ll be the first to admit, we don’t actively watch Star Vs. The Forces of Evil, but we are aware of it. We won’t sit here and lie to you about how much we love the series or how many episodes we have on DVR. That said, we are aware of some of the plot, and we know for a fact that this particular pairing is wrong on many levels.
Starco and Jarco seem to be the main ships appropriated with this stellar animated series but that hasn’t stopped some people from pining for a good versus evil romance (such a recurring theme). There are some specific examples of heroes and villains sharing romantic moments. Catwoman and Batman are a great example of this. Star and Ludo are not.
10 James Head (Pyramid Head X James - Silent Hill 2)
We know that ship name is pretty bad (and suggestive) but it’s nothing compared to the ship that inspired it. Many of you may not have had the fortune to experience Silent Hill 2. It came out back in 2001, with a shiny Mature label that kept it out of the hands of younger horror-survival fans (some of you probably still played it). It was a great game and perhaps the best release in the entire Silent Hill series.
It also had a pretty terrifying antagonist. Pyramid Head unsettled a lot of gamers and inspired a ton of awesome fan art. It also inspired a ton of confusing fan art, some of which depicts James (the protagonist) and this demonic creature in romantic situations. We don’t feel like you need an explanation for why this one is a no-no. If you played the game and closely followed the story, it’s even more inappropriate.
9 Morristair (Alistair X Morrigan - Dragon Age: Origins)
Back before BioWare completely fell apart, it made some pretty amazing games. We’re just kidding (but seriously Mass Effect: Andromeda was insanely disappointing). Dragon Age: Origins featured some fantastic character designs and a rather engaging storyline. It was a fantastic role-playing experience and one of the best of its time. Much like Mass Effect, it had romance options.
None of those romance options included Morrigan and Alistair falling in love. For good reason too, Morrigan likes Alistair about as much as most cats like mice. She’s constantly picking at him and not in a schoolyard romance kind of way. It’s more realistically in a “you’re human garbage and I hate being near you” kind of way. Most of you are probably thinking about the “ritual,” as a rebuttal. That’s a steep price to pay to save the world. They don’t belong together.
8 Boobeth (Booker X Elizabeth - Bioshock: Infinite)
Warning, impending spoiler alerts ahead! If you haven’t played Bioshock: Infinite and don’t want the story spoiled for you, be sure to skip this entry and play it! All of you that have played the release from front to back know exactly why this potential pairing is absolute trash and should be treated as such. I bet you thought we were done with the imaginary incest. Nope, the internet hasn’t had its fill.
Sure, there are some timelines involved in which Booker didn’t father Elizabeth, essentially making him a Booker without a daughter. Yet, the fact that Elizabeth was created in an alternate timeline in which he did have her still makes her his biological daughter. No matter how you slice this, it’s wrong, in a multitude of universes.
7 Loglock (Logan X Rytlock - Guild Wars 2)
Ah, Guild Wars 2, such fond memories. This is easily one of our favorite MMORPG, thanks to its action-based gameplay mechanics and enthralling storyline. Arena Net did a fantastic job creating a world that feels ever expansive. They also hired a cavalcade of top-notch voice actors, which really give each character their own unique identity and personality. Two of those characters, Rytlock Brimson and Logan Thackery, are especially interesting.
You see, Rytlock is a powerful Charr Tribune, while Logan is a little coward that everyone hates. Regardless of whether or not you care about Logan (you don’t, no one does), this pairing is torture. For one, they’re constantly at each other’s throats, and not in a sexy way. We won’t spoil the story but there’s a good reason Rytlock doesn’t like Logan.
6 Lemongrab (Lemongrab X Lemongrab - Adventure Time)
You know what’s sexier than the Earl of Lemongrab? A lot of things. Tons of things, in fact, are sexier than the Earl of Lemongrab. It was bad enough when Adventure Time dropped this sour bomb on us the first time. Although the character is hilarious and we love Justin Roiland. Sadly, this list doesn’t pertain to how much we love voice actors, it’s all about fan pairings that the world doesn’t need.
What we definitely don’t want to see is another Lemongrab. However, there are some out there that believe these two abominations belong together. This is that erotic Twin fantasy that some people have, gone horribly wrong.
We know, there was an episode that showed these two rulers living together. That’s far enough for us, we don’t need to see any lemon-on-lemon action. That would be very UNACCEPTABLE.
5 Raceper (Tracer X Reaper - Overwatch)
There are A TON of Overwatch ships out there. Honestly, it’s probably the most-shipped video game currently available. There are simply so many characters from varying backgrounds that are begging to be paired together. With all of those possible combinations, shippers are bound to get it wrong from time to time. This entry is a prime example of what happens when the community gets it wrong.
For the most part, die-hard Tracer shippers place her with Widowmaker (even though Tracer has a canon girlfriend). In a secret back alley somewhere, there is a small group of people placing Tracer with Reaper. This is most likely due to the fact that Reaper is so gruff and depressing, while Tracer is so optimistic and bubbly. There are a lot of things wrong with this ship. That said, there are a lot of things wrong with most of Overwatch’s fan pairings.
4 Pikashu (Pikachu X Ash - Pokémon)
We’re closer to the end of this list which means we’re closer to the immortal flames of the underworld. To be frank, it’s pretty difficult to find words to adequately express this particular ship. We understand there are a lot of pretty strange fetishes out there and we aren’t here to judge or kink shame anyone (we’re judging a little right now), but there are some things that just feel downright dirty.
Pikashu is a prime example. The bond between this boy and his Pokémon is sacred and everlasting (kind of like Ash’s youth). It’s pure, untouched by the hand of darkness. At least, it was, until the internet decided that Pikachu and Ash make the perfect power couple (power, electric type, zing). Cue the massive laundry list of things that make this fan pairing an unholy abomination and let’s move on.
3 Prince Linkon (Prince Sidon X Link - LoZ: Breath Of The Wild)
Are fish sexy? This is a question that Nintendo was determined to answer in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. The answer was an emphatic yes. Fish ARE sexy, specifically in the case of both Mipha and Prince Sidon. Zora horning in on Link isn’t anything new, just ask Princess Ruto from Ocarina of Time. It’s even canon that Link and Mipha shared a special love connection before he ended up with 100-year-old amnesia.
What ISN’T canon is Prince Sidon and his shiny muscular fins all over the Hylian Hero. Don’t get us wrong, we love Sidon just as much as everyone else, but we see him and Link as fish bros (and fish bros only). The internet disagrees, thanks to the abundance of NSFW Prince Linkon fan art littering cyberspace. It’s a minefield out there.
2 Shradow (Shrek X Shadow - The Pits Of Despair)
Everyone knows that ogres have layers. Apparently, one of those layers is an unhealthy attraction to edgy hedgehogs. We’re going to come right out and say what everyone else is thinking, “what the f***?” We had a similar reaction when we first laid eyes on this, and then for a few hours after, and now for a few days (please send help). The horrible truth is that, if there are characters, no matter who they are, they can be shipped. What started off as a meme (probably) has blown into full Shradow madness.
There are even elaborate back stories. Just look at this photo, you can actually feel an immense betrayal. Shrek gave everything he had to Shadow and he threw it all away for Fix-it Felix. I honestly wish we were joking here. We aren’t. Do yourself a favor and never search this ship, it’s hell on the eyes.
1 DedeYou (King DeDeDe X You - Kirby)
It’s all fun and games until you end up thrown into an imaginary relationship you wanted nothing to do with. Okay, so maybe some of you wanted something to do with this, and in the right light, King Dedede is rather dashing. Full disclosure, we don’t feel like it gets much worse than Shadow and Shrek bare-naked mud wrestling, and for that reason, we wanted to feature something unique as number one.
That uniqueness comes at a sacrifice, your sacrifice. An artist by the name of WarpStars created a King Dedede dating sim. This game allows you to suffer through the trials and tribulations of courting the King of Dreamland. All kidding aside, this “game” is actually hilarious. We’d definitely recommend giving it a try. Who knows, your ship might even sail.
